REMEMBER TO EMBRACE GRACE
Written by: Ginger Stephens
LICENSED PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR
LICENSED CHEMICAL DEPENDENCY COUNSELOR
At its core, grace is an unearned, unmerited favor or generosity. It is often described as an act of kindness or mercy that is not based on what is expected or deserved. Grace is unconditional love and acceptance. Grace is about relationship. It brings us closer, not further apart.
Grace is wild and untamed. It cannot be understood on a ledger of deficits and merits. It is not a pattern of winning vs. losing, succeeding vs. failure. Grace is there for the taking—it’s like robbing a bank, getting caught and the judge says “you can keep the money.”
Grace doesn’t make sense. It isn’t rational or logical. It requires us to stop counting, comparing and judging.
Grace removes barriers and breaks down prejudice. It frees us to laugh and be ourselves without fear of judgment. Grace allows us to stop policing others and simply love and accept them. It gives us compassion toward hurting people who don’t have their life together and allows others to be who they are, even if it’s different from me. Grace reduces expectations of self and others. Grace heals your hurts. Surprises people. Creates change, not fear.
As Doug Wilson eloquently puts it, “Grace unsettles everything. Grace overflows the banks. Grace messes up your hair.” Grace impowers us to change because there’s no way to fail or lose.
Unwillingness to see and accept grace is the only thing that stands in the way. If you miss the message of grace, everything else is distorted.
The Transformative Power of Grace
You may be thinking “Well if I show grace to myself or someone else, how will they ever learn their lesson? How will they change? Everyone will get away with all their bad behavior!”
Grace does not dismiss or diminish laws, rules, moral codes, or beliefs. Giving and receiving grace is actually what gives us the motivation and ability to follow them and the wisdom to know when to break them. When you’ve been on the receiving end of grace from God or another person, incredible things can happen. Grace can foster healing and create motivation to change. After all, grace motivates through love, not fear.
● Receiving grace can prompt individuals to reflect on their actions and behavior. It may highlight areas where they need to grow or change, leading to increased self-awareness.
● The experience of grace can create a deep sense of gratitude. Knowing that someone has extended kindness or forgiveness can make a person more humble and appreciative, which can, in turn, inspire a desire to pay it forward.
● Experiencing grace can increase empathy and compassion for others. Understanding what it’s like to be on the receiving end of grace can encourage individuals to be more forgiving and understanding in their interactions with others.
● Grace can inspire a sense of personal responsibility and a desire to live up to the kindness or forgiveness received. This can be a strong motivator to make positive changes.
● Grace can deepen relationships by building trust and mutual respect. This strengthened bond can motivate individuals to work on themselves to maintain these important connections.
How to Embrace Grace in Everyday
● Humility: Recognizing your own flaws and understanding that we all stand in the need of grace is the starting point for being able to extend grace toothers. Humility creates a sense of interconnectedness that recognizes that all humans are flawed works-in-progress, that everyone fails, makes mistakes and experiences hard things in life.
● Forgiveness to self and others: One of the most significant ways to demonstrate grace is through forgiveness. Letting go of grudges and offering compassion, even when wronged, reflects a graceful heart.
● Kindness to self and others: Being warm and understanding to ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel adequate, rather than ignoring our pain or beating ourselves up with self-criticism. Small acts of kindness, such as helping a neighbor, offering a compliment, or simply listening to someone in need, are practical expressions of grace.
● Patience: Exercising patience, especially in frustrating situations, shows grace. It involves understanding that everyone has their struggles and extends empathy rather than anger.
● Generosity: Being generous with your time, resources, or talents without expecting anything in return is a hallmark of grace.
● Mindfulness: Being aware of moment-to-moment experiences in a clear and nonjudgmental way. It takes a balanced approach to negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated. Mindfulness allows us to “be“ with our pain and respond with care and kindness.
When in doubt, err on the side of grace. None of us knows the motivation in the mind or heart of another person. We can only see things through our own experience. Choose to believe the best when possible and show grace when you can.
Don’t waste grace. When you have been given a second chance, a blessing you could not have earned, a way out…never waste that grace by returning to the old. You never know if you will receive that grace again.
